Your Teen’s Phone Isn’t Private. It’s a Portal. Are You Brave Enough to Close It at Night?

After a recent parent presentation, a mother pulled me aside. You could see the exhaustion behind her eyes, like she was holding something heavy and had finally decided to put it down.

“I’ve got a 15-year-old daughter,” she said. “What would you actually do about phones and safety?”

No buzzwords. No filters. Just straight-up: What works?

So I shared something I’d mentioned earlier that night, “If your teen had a passport and a one-way plane ticket, would you let them travel the world alone, unsupervised, at 11 pm every night?”

She laughed, that nervous kind of laugh parents do when they realise it’s not a joke.

“That’s what an unmonitored phone in a private space is,” I said. “It’s a digital passport. And when it’s used behind a bedroom door at night, you’ve got no idea what country they’re in, or who’s waiting for them there.”

She went quiet. Then said, “I can’t get her to leave it outside. She just disappears into her room with it.”

So I asked: “Who pays for the data?”

“We do,” she said.

“Then that’s your leverage,” I told her. “You don’t have to snatch the phone or go full detective. Just make the boundary clear if you’re paying for the it, you get a say in where and when it’s used.”

She looked heartbroken. Not because she disagreed, but because she knew it would be hard.

“She messages her friends late, they’re talking about school, stuff that happened during the day...”

I nodded. “Sure. But is it the kind of stuff that needs to happen at 9pm? Is it connection, or is it escape?”

Here’s the thing: no one said this would be easy. Setting boundaries like this is a disruption. You’re not just changing screen habits, you’re changing the expectation that tech has 24/7 access to your child.

No app will do this work for you.

But this is the work.

Removing phones from bedrooms at night won’t eliminate all risk. It’s not about control, it’s about clarity. Boundaries don’t lock kids in. They give them room to breathe.

And parents, you have every right to create those conditions.

A 16-year-old girl said to me last term “There’s stuff online that changes how you see yourself. Once it gets in your head, it’s hard to get it out.”

So no, this isn’t about taking anything away. It’s about giving something back. Rest, space, safety, a break from the noise.

Be bold. Be the boundary. You’re not being harsh. You’re being protective in the way only a parent can be.